New Beginnings
by AerynsFallen
Summary: Life has taught John that the world isn't fair or kind. It's been two years since Jack and Abigail's death. Two years of fighting what he feels for the woman who helped pick up the pieces of his former life. John Marston doesn't believe in second chances, but Bonnie MacFarlane does and she's tired of waiting for theirs. Sequel to my one-shot 'What Should Be' so read that first :)


**So this has been a long time coming. A sequel to my one-shot 'What Should Be' so I'd suggest reading that first if you haven't already. This story is about Bonnie and John and life after the events of RDR and What Should Be. Two years afterwards to be exact. If anyone likes it, I'll continue. Feedback is appreciated, even if it is constructive criticism. **

**I don't own anything, and I have no beta so all mistakes are my own.**

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It was wrong what he felt, what he knew. She was so beautiful in that moment. So damn beautiful as she sat on her horse, smiling triumphantly at him. She was laughing, making some teasing remark about how he was getting slow in his old age. At the thought of age, specifically their age difference, his smile faded a little. It was true he'd met many men that had lived into their sixties but he wasn't so sure he was that kind of man. Already his bones ached when it rained from being broken so many times. He was 37 and yet he felt 47.

Looking at Miss MacFarlane, Bonnie, as he was now used to calling her, he could still see a measure of youth in her unlined face and cheerful countenance. She was ten years his junior, and maybe that wasn't so much of a difference. His own pa had been fifteen years older than his ma, but the thought still troubled him. Bonnie deserved better, better than an ex-outlaw, living on her charity. He'd sold Beecher's Hope last year. It was a place filled with too many memories of Abigail and Jack. A place that seemed to rub in the knowledge that Bonnie wasn't his and likely never would be.

Bonnie was twenty-seven years old, already considered a spinster to many people. But she was still more than beautiful and she'd had more than one would-be suitor in the two years since she'd brought him here. And at first, as broken as he'd felt he'd convinced himself that she'd turned them down because she wanted to take care of him, as his only friend in the world. He'd almost been eaten up with guilt.

He'd come to realize, more like admit to himself, that Bonnie had turned down every suitor because she only had one man in mind when she thought to marry. She'd more than once hinted in the last six months where she wanted their friendship to lead. He pretended to misunderstand her intentions. He hated himself for the hurt looks she sent him after every well-intended rejection or brush off. He wanted her to be happy, to get married and have as many children as she wanted. Because as rough around the edges as she claimed to be, Bonnie would make a fine mother. He sometimes dreamed he could be the man to give her that. Just the thought of Bonnie, swollen with his child had his throat constricting. When he woke up he knew it could not be the case. 37 was too damn old to be starting again. Too old to be raising young ones, especially with a mother as bright and enthusiastic as Bonnie.

He was brought out of his thoughts by the playful tap on his hat as Bonnie tried to gain his attention.

"What's got you so glum, John? I know I won this race but you won the last three!" She smiled at him but her eyes searched his face. She knew he wasn't a sore loser and his face had been so dark. She figured he was thinking of the past and blaming himself again. He was wont to do that sometimes.

"Nothing," John mumbled. "Guess I was just thinking."

Bonnie nodded, knowing to let it go "You just let me know if you want to share any of those thoughts. You're not alone John, not anymore."

He nodded and flashed a quick smile. He was done with thinking of what he couldn't have.

"I'll race you back to the ranch," he shouted over his shoulder as he kicked his paint horse into a gallop. He could hear Bonnie cursing behind him as she spurred her horse to catch up. But he knew already Bonnie would not catch him this time.

At one time it came as a shock when he began to smile so easily. He'd never been a carefree sort of man. He'd always been haunted by one deed or another since the moment he'd joined Dutch's gang at 17. But being near Bonnie had given him a reason to smile. She wasn't afraid to grab life by the horns and she expected no less from him.

He surveyed the ranch around him, as he came to a stop, with a measure of pride. MacFarlane's ranch was thriving and John knew it was in part, thanks to him. When Bonnie had brought him here the day after he'd almost drowned he was a wreck. Work was all he had to keep his mind off of things. And he'd settled himself into a pattern that would have exhausted weaker men. Drew MacFarlane's health began to slide shortly after his arrival and Drew had been grateful for all of John's help.

Drew had died last winter, a cold turned into an infection in his lungs. Bonnie had relied on John a lot during those last couple months and the few months after her father's death. It had hurt John to see such a vibrant woman worn down and her eyes just a little dimmer. It had taken him months to be able to get her to smile.

Her brother Patrick hadn't been any help. He'd come for the funeral with his father's will. He'd been sympathetic and shown an appropriate façade of sorrow. Bonnie told John he'd never been close to their father and he'd never wanted the ranch or the lifestyle that came with it. John had known he wouldn't like Patrick the moment he'd shaken his hand. He was a soft man, he could tell by the paunch that his shirt barely contained and by his soft weak grip as Patrick shook his hand. He hadn't been able to look John in the eye as he'd mumbled a 'how do you do'. The accent so prevalent in Bonnie's voice, an accent he adored, was barely noticeable in Patrick's voice. He had gained the flat accent of the north. John could tell Bonnie resented Patrick for it as she gave her brother a stiff handshake. There would be no warm hug between these two.

Patrick had known what was going to happen to all of Drew's holdings as he had notarized the will himself. He was less than pleased with the amount he was to be given. But as their father had written, Patrick was now a well-to-do lawyer who had married into money. He hardly had need of Drew's. All of Drew MacFarlane's holdings were given to Bonnie, a feat almost unheard of in their day. Bonnie had tears in her eyes when Patrick had read the will. John had held her hand throughout, ignoring her brother's distinct look of displeasure at their clasped hands.

He left shortly after the funeral, citing familial obligations with his wife and her family. It was clear by the impatient goodbye and hasty departure that he no longer considered Bonnie family. She'd taken it into stride and turned from his departing carriage without a single glance backwards. John doubted they would ever hear from Patrick MacFarlane again.

So John helped her manage the ranch that had become his home with a dedication that bordered on obsession. He'd been Bonnie's shoulder to lean on. Like him, she was too stubborn to cry. Many had expected some sort of announcement of their plan to wed within a few months of Drew's death. When none had been forthcoming then the suitors had come to call on Bonnie en masse. Young and old, it was clear that despite Bonnie's beauty it was more they were after. She dismissed them all with a scornful glare and gone straight back to work.

John dreaded the day there would be a man that actually caught Bonnie's eye, excluding himself. He would make sure he was worthy if he ever wanted to marry her.

Bonnie rode up beside him with a wide smile and cheeks flushed from the wind. He resisted the urge to kiss her and smiled instead.

"That was cheating John and you know it!"

He winked. "Never said it wasn't." He looked at the sky with the sun directly above them and back at the mostly quiet ranch around him. "Looks like we're just in time for the midday meal. I'm starving." In more ways than one, he thought as he noticed that the two top buttons of Bonnie's shirt had come undone.

Bonnie punched his shoulder playfully, completely oblivious to his darkening eyes. She was a woman grown but she'd never been with a man, not even a quick tumble in a haystack. He was grateful she didn't detect the signs of his want.

"You're always hungry John. Nothing would ever be able to satisfy that." She smirked playfully and leaned down to pat her horse on his neck.

John's groin stirred. " I know one thing that might." He muttered.

Bonnie had already started towards the food hall where they shared most of their meals with the growing numbers of hired hands. She was too far to hear his suggestive comments or see the painful grimace on his face as he adjusted himself in his pants. Riding a horse while aroused wasn't something he particularly enjoyed.

The hall was loud and rowdy, filled with the shouts and laughter of the men that worked the ranch. The men dipped their heads and hats in respect to Miss MacFarlane but they otherwise continued on with their crude, far-fetched and laughably exaggerated stories of their conquests and adventures. Bonnie MacFarlane was one of the boys to them. John often argued that she shouldn't be near such behaviour but after a while he'd given up. The men did respect her. Not one of them would say a cross word about her. Bonnie MacFarlane had the men that worked for her, him included, tightly under her thumb. She was a generous employer and she could afford to be.

They sat down at their usual table in the corner, somewhat secluded from the other tables. John had at least won this argument. Bonnie had as much desire as he did to see the spraying of food out of the men's mouths. As hard as workers as they were, they had little to no table manners.

"Mmm…potatoes and pork roast, my favourite." Bonnie closed her eyes and moaned in enjoyment as she ate.

John nearly groaned, finding another reason to adjust himself discreetly. He started to eat, used to being aroused at the pure experience of Bonnie enjoying her food.

Bonnie started to speak between bites. "So we checked most of the perimeter fences this morning. We should check the far field this afternoon. Billy said he was worried about some of the fences, said some posts were starting to lean."

John shook his head and swallowed. "Already have Charlie and Mason on it. Remember we have to pick up those supplies you ordered at Armadillo."

Bonnie swallowed and nodded eagerly. "Yes! How could I have forgotten? That's the new cultivator I ordered. I've been waiting for it for so long."

Already John could see her mind working on where they would use it first. Her ranch was mostly aimed at raising cattle and other animals but they had their own crops to feed the animals during the winter. This year's crop was looking to yield more than they ever had before. Soon they would have enough to sell as well as feed the cattle.

Bonnie beamed at him as she finished her meal. The impatient tapping of her foot had him focusing intently on finishing his own food. She would wait for him to finish as she always did. And she was clearly eager to get going.

**Hope you enjoyed. :) Reviews are welcome!**


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